


Mass Effect One-Shots

by NevaRYadL



Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Bioware can eat my entire ass, Chatlogs, Jaal is bi, One Shot Collection, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Trans Character, Transgender Ryder Twins, epileptic character - Freeform, minor gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-09-26 13:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9901646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevaRYadL/pseuds/NevaRYadL
Summary: One shots for the Mass Effect trilogy and the upcoming Mass Effect Andromeda. Will have ME:A speculation as well as likely contain a large amount of mlm content/pairings. Everything should be tagged in chapter descriptions with major tags and pairings in the chapter titles.





	1. No Pairings-(gore, implied romantic feelings)

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Minor gore, implied feelings between M!Ryder/Jaal
> 
> Hiya pups! This ended up being my next project, but it'll be more of a side project as we get closer to Mass Effect Andromeda's release date. We don't know if we'll take prompts like with our dragon age and fallout one shots, but it's something we're considering.
> 
> Have a good morning/afternoon/evening and might pups!

“ _Ryder, come in, Ryder,_ ”

“You may wish to answer that,” Jaal said, as a purple hand passed another tool underneath the Nomad to him as he tried to fix the damned thing.

A punctured hole in the plate when they had passed over a rough bed of what seemed like normal rocks but had proven to be harder and sharper then what the tempered metal of the Nomad's underbelly was made of. Or what it should have been made of as it seemed that after the mine the Nomad had run over had torn apart the undercarriage last week, the repair team had chosen an easy and quick fix over actually replacing the undercarriage with the tempered metal that normally protected the Nomad from environment hazards. Stupid fucking rocks, he really should have insisted on taking over the repairs instead of letting the old man convince him to take some time off from work.

“Fiiiinne,” He groaned before knocking the side of his helmet against the ground to pop Sam’s little implant back into place, “Ryder here.”

“ _Where are you?_ ”

“About seven clicks from the destination,” He grunted out, popping the ruptured plate off that the unusually tough and sharp rock had caused. He angled it and then handled it out for Liam to grab. “That repair job that someone did the Nomad was beaten by a rock and we almost lost the fuel lines. We’re trying to see if we can fix it or if we need pick up. Speaking of which, Liam?”

“If we could find plating roughly the same size we could jury rig a fix, but we’re still a couple miles from the destination,” Liam said as he checked to make sure that there was no lingering damage that needed attention. Nothing would suck more then to fix the damned thing, making it forward a foot and then have it take a shit and need more repairs.

“ _Need your sis to come down and save you?_ ” A new voice teased over comms.

“No,” He said flatly, “I don’t need your shit aim, your shit commentary or your two left hands.”

“ _Damien,_ ” Alec snapped loudly over comms 

“… Dad, I don’t need a soldier, I need a twelve by seven piece of tough metal,” He snapped back “Else driving the Nomad would mean-“

“ _I’m sending your sister down with the Tempest to pick you up,_ ” Alec said firmly, “ _ETA?_ ”

“ _Half an hour,_ ” Sarah said cheerfully.

“Sir,” Liam said, “He’s already gone.”

* * *

Sticky with raider blood, he returned with the panel he needed to fix the Nomad with his sister and the Tempest waiting. His twin was lounging against the hull of the Nomad but wisely said nothing as he slid underneath and quickly tact the panel on with a creative use of biotics and his Omni tool. With the panel secured, he dragged himself out and then climbed into the Nomad as his sister rolled her eyes and started walking back to the Tempest as the shuttle bay door opened to let him park it back on the ship.

When he got the Nomad parked neatly inside, he got pulled aside by the old man and got the boring old spiel about ‘doing things his way’ and ‘there’s no harm in asking for help’ and ‘he needed to get along with his sister’ and ‘running off and doing stupid things on his own’.

“Look, I know, I know,” Alec groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Both me and your sister have this terrible habit of babying you and smothering you, but we are concerned about you. You’re reckless, you throw yourself into battle with or without help, you try to take a lot of things into your own hands regardless if you know what you’re doing. I worry about you, Damien.”

“I’m fine,” He said, almost choking to hold back the attitude, “I had the repair under control, I may not be the solider like dear sister, but I know repairing machines.”

“..You’re right, sorry for not trusting you,” Alec sighed, “Get some rest.”

He left stiffly and stormed out of his father’s presence. He saw his twin for a half second before she disappeared. Likely to bother Jaal about something because she always seemed to steal something from him and he should probably think about something else because being a mighty Pathfinder he really did not have the elbow room to blubber like a child in front of anyone.

“Ryder, is something wrong?” Sam asked in his ear piece, “Your heart rate is accelerated and your body’s signals are showing signs of high stress and emotional duress.”

“Sam, I need you to order the part for the Nomad so I can replace that bottom panel,” He said, sucking down breaths to keep the tears at bay, “I’ll grab it myself the next time we hit a hub and then I’ll do the fix. Don’t let anyone do the fix, Sam.”

He had his Omni-tool out and was using the interface to try and see if the necessary tools that he needed to fix the paneling were still in Nomad’s maintenance bay. He would need to make sure that no one had taken his tools elsewhere or they were conveniently logged as ‘missing’.

“Ryder,” Jaal said, nearly startling him when he turned a corner.

“Why do you insist on scaring me?” He gritted out through his teeth, anger quickly drying his unshed tears. It was easier to shove back his pathetic frustration with Jaal’s insistence of walking around like a cat. Stupid freedom fighter training.

“It is not my intention,” Jaal said calmly. He could see Angara’s UI flickering across his little monocle visor as he was undoubtedly scanned. The Angara always seemed fascinated by the non-Angara on ship. “You seem troubled, is something causing you duress?”

“Nothing,” He said, “Shouldn't my sister be hanging off your arm? She’s enamored with you and usually glued to your side.”

“She… Sarah is currently seeing to it that we reach the nearest hospitable location to acquire the parts to fix the Nomad,” Jaal said quietly.

“Never heard you use first names before, she must really mean something to you,” He snarked unkindly, “Look, I need to check the Nomad…”

“She asked me to call her Sarah,” Jaal said innocently, “That is all. I did intend to offend you, Ryder.”

 _No you didn’t offend me, you poor, poor Angara. But you don’t understand that I’ve lived in my sister’s shadow for years and she’s unwittingly or viciously stolen a lot of shit from me, including not but not limited to a lot of people that I was crushing on, including you._ He thought bitterly.

“It’s nothing,” He sighed, feeling the tears try and rear their ugly head again, “I’m going to go work on the Nomad if anyone wants me.”

* * *

Underneath the Nomad he silently cried like a blubbering child and not an adult and then fixed several worn wires and fixed a skewed fuel line before his glorious sister came strutting down to Nomad’s bay to fetch him. She seemed rather cheery and eager and he could only conclude that she got to spend some more time with Jaal and his heart sunk another bit closer to his stomach.

The hub looked like a small trading port on a planet that they had recently been too, he forgot the name and he did not really care. Instead he ditched the landing party the second he got the chance and went hunting down the little garage that was selling the part.

The place was a dingy little garage with a Krogan banging away against a heavily armored all terrain vehicle much like the Nomad, armed to the teeth with slashed tires while a grumpy Turian manned the counter. Said Turian gave him a quick nod of his head in acknowledgement as he stepped up to him.

“Need to pick up a part,” He told the Turian, bringing up information on his Omni-tool and wireless transferring it to them.

“Ryder? Yeah, you got the credits?” The Turian rasped.

“Yeah, also got some others parts I need to buy if you have them,” He said, sending the new parts list over as well.

While he was getting the needed parts to fix the Nomad so they could do touchdown missions on hostile planets, a rough group of raiders came in for their armored little vehicle. He tried to ignore them, they were mostly behaving and he already got the lecture about doing stupid shit on his own, no need to get it again within forty-eight hours.

“What do you mean it’s not fixed?!”

A raider was glaring up at the Korgan, not fazed by the sheer size difference between them.

“Hey guys, I’m with the Pathfinders,” He said dully, “Can you come back when I’m not here?”

“Pathfinder? Didn’t think they were letting scrawny little shits in there,” One raider sneered.

“Hey, wait, I think that’s Ryder, the small one,” One raider laughed, “Man, if your sister was here we might leave, she’s the strong one, she’s the badass, what are you even again?”

 _Don’t let them get to you, don’t let them get to you,_ He mentally told himself. “Look, just leave.”

“Or what? Half pint?” One raider spat.

… _Fuck it._

His biotics flared to life.

* * *

“Your biotics impress me each time I see the sheer chaos and destruction that they are capable of bringing,” Jaal said as he, once again tacky with blood, walked away from the garage with the box of parts in his arms.

“How’d you find me?” He asked, too tired.

“Sam, he informed me that your vitals had spiked and I only had to follow the sounds of violence,” Jaal said, joining him as they started walking back to the Tempest.

“Where’s Sarah then?” He asked.

“Sam told me that you two were… ‘at odds’ with one another and only informed me,” Jaal said.

“Lovely,” He said, mentally reminding himself to take a swing at Sam’s mainframe when he got the chance. “I had everything handled.”

“You did,” Jaal said, “You are a capable man, Ryder. I still worry.”

He felt a blush creep across his face, thankful for the smears of blood that probably hide it. Nice to hear someone call him capable, and from Jaal none the less.

“Well, thanks,” He said, feeling a smile coming on.

“…And you should know,” Jaal started, a small smirk playing on his thin lips, “You sister does seemed enamored with me but she is… how do you humans out it? ‘My type?’ Is that correct?”

“Wait, wait, wait, you don’t like my badass, tough as Korgan, heroic as shit and 'shining beacon of humanity' sister?” He asked, befuddled. That was a first, most everyone just loved his sister and she usually had a long line of suitors going goo-goo eyed for her.

“She has her charms, but I find a different sort attractive,” Jaal said, definitely smirking now.

“What kind is that?”

“Hmm,” Jaal gave him a very coy smile, “I do find our Nomad mechanic rather alluring.”

He turned red enough that the blood did nothing to hide it.


	2. Slight M!Ryder/Jaal-(minor blood)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Very light and implied blossoming feelings between M!Ryder/Jaal, epileptic Ryder, minor blood
> 
> Delving more into Ryder and stuff between him and Jaal. I have a mighty need for the purple monocle wearing alien

He was getting a check up with Dr. Lexi T’Perro, just putting on his shirt as the doctor tapped away on a data pad.

“As always, I recommend coming to me about this stress of yours,” Dr. Lexi finished off as she always did.

“I’ve got it handled,” He grouched as he usually did when she mentioned his stress.

“Mr. Ryder, you have severe generalized anxiety disorder and a rather powerful inferiority complex,” Dr. Lexi said, leveling a hard look at him, “Not to mention a ‘twitchy’ biotic implant and prone to fainting migraines, nose bleeds, and generally being a reckless idiot out in the field. As the crew doctor and unwittingly everyone’s therapist, I can say that you _don’t_ have it handled.”

“It’s fine,” He stressed.

“It’s not and I don’t appreciate you being an ass about this,” Dr. Lexi sighed, “Look, it doesn’t make you weak to get some psychological help, it really doesn’t and I’m sure everyone will be willing to support you. I’ll personally kick the ass of anyone that doesn’t.”

“Really, I have it handled,” He pushed, getting annoyed and frustrated.

“…fine, you’re done for now, Mr. Ryder,” Dr. Lexi snapped, “Next time your spurt blood out your nose or faint should be the next time I see you.”

* * *

“Top physical health,” Sarah grinned at their dad after their checkups were said and done.

“All fine,” He sighed, arms crossed over his chest.

“Uh huh, Damien, what’s the doctor say about that implant?” Alec asked.

“Twitchy as always,” He sighed, “I really need to go check on the Nomad since soldier girl here wants to touch down on that heat planet, Sam’s already told me that there’s a level 3 heat advisory so I need to make sure it’s up to snuff.”

He never liked when his implant was brought up. The one day that the alien doctor was supposed to do his implant and some human asshole had to fuck it up and had been a dick to the Asari. She had in turn, botched several implant surgeries before quitting. He had been the ‘lucky one’, five had died because of shortages that cooked their spinal cords, one was paralyzed from the waist down and then he had mild epilepsy. Not to mention his ‘twitchy’ implant that would suddenly decide that he was a biotic god charged with power or sometimes did nothing but make him glow blue.

Medication could help with the odd seizure, but the surgery that could _maybe_ fix his implant has a higher risk of either 1) Killing him, 2) Paralyzing him or 3) Lose his biotics and a very marginal percentage that his implant would be fixed. Since none of those options were really glamorous, he chose to live with it as best he could.

“Alright, let’s keep you two healthy, yeah?” Alec said, clearly not believing a word out of him.

“Yes dad,” They said together before breaking.

He trotted down to the Nomad’s holding bay, seeing the great beast in all its bulky armored glory. He thumped the side friendly like before ducking down underneath. The new paneling that he had installed was holding up nicely, could barely tell the difference between the new paneling and the old except that it was slightly cleaner. He checked the integrity of the panels and then used his Omni tool to scan the wire to see if anything needed replacing.

He heard clattering and smelled electricity in the air.

“Careful out there, jeez,” He yelled.

He tried to close his fingers around but then noticed that his fingers snapped open and then shut and then open and then shut. What the hell… oh no.

Everything seemed disjointed and nothing seemed attached right. Warm blood trickled down from his nose and the back of his neck seemed really warm.

Fuck.

* * *

“Ryder,”

He regained consciousness with a sour taste in his mouth, the cold smell of drying blood in his nose and a cold and wet feeling in the front of his pants. His forehead hurt like someone had clocked him there as hard as they could and everything felt stiff. When he blinked to clear his vision, he realized that he was leaned against Jaal and Dr. Lexi was taking his pulse.

“…fuck,” He rasped.

“Just a grand mal, he’ll be fine in a moment,” Dr. Lexi sighed, helping Jaal in getting him up, getting him on his feet and helping him awkwardly work his legs until they got him to his cabin.

“Everything feeling alright?” Dr. Lexi asked.

“About as shitty as every seizure leaves me,” He groaned, hobbling over to his dresser to grab a fresh outfit and then hobbling to the bathroom to change out of his soiled uniform and wash himself quickly. When he came out, he was surprised when Jaal was still there, but not surprised to see the doctor holding his meds and a container of water.

“No ifs, ands or buts,” Dr. Lexi tisked, “Take. Your. Damned. Meds.”

“Yes doc,” He drawled sarcastically, making a show of putting the tablets on his tongue and then chugging the water. Dr. Lexi still made him open his mouth to show that the tablets had not been tucked anywhere before ordering rest lest she come back with her syringes.

“Stubborn ass Ryders,” Dr. Lexi snarked on her way out, leaving Jaal with him.

“…are you alright?” Jaal asked quietly.

“Yeah, sorry you had to see that,” He sighed, kicking out of his socks and flopping on his bed. The bed sank with Jaal’s weight when the freedom fighter took a seat next to him. He felt his hammer pick up a few beats in excitement.

“Dr. Lexi T’Perro told me about your… ‘twitchy’ biotic implant, though I was unaware that it affected you so,” Jaal said, absently petting the blankets.

“It’s fine, I just forgot to take my meds because of the surprise clinical,” He said, “Normally I rarely have them and they’re completely managed.”

“It was a bit of a start,” Jaal said, turning to look at one of his academic awards that he had decorated the walls with, “Sam had informed the doctor when you passed out and I had gone to see you…”

“You came to… see me?” He asked, feeling his cheeks start warming up with a blush.

“Yes, I was going to inquire if you wished to ‘chat’,” Jaal said, “If you are alright… would you like to do that now?”

He was actually surprised that Jaal was not lingering on his condition. Most everyone that had met him and found out babied him or treated him like he was made out of glass or those assholes that treated him like less than a person despite it being someone else’s mistake. Honestly, it was so damned refreshing just to have someone worried but assured that he was fine.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” He grinned.


	3. No Pairings-(mildly implied smut)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: No pairings, very mildly implied smut
> 
> Tuchunka was an experience, at least in my head

As the shore team trudged back onto the Normandy, Joker swung his chair around to greet them as they clamored in. He frowned when he realized that Shepard of all people was... down.

"Uh, have fun?" He asked.

"Tuchanka was... an experience," Garrus chuckled as Shepard trailed off somewhere.

"What happened?" He asked.

* * *

“Go ahead human, give me a reason,” A helmeted Krogan growled, stubby fingers clutching the collar of a snarling Varren.

“Shepard…” Garrus warned.

“You ugly,” Shepard said, looking the Krogan dead in the eye.

The Krogan looked at Shepard, Shepard looked at the Krogan, the Krogan looked at Garrus and Grunt. Garrus and Grunt looked at the Krogan. The Krogan looked at Shepard… and let the Varren go.

“OH GOD!”

* * *

“Did you just punch that pyjak?” Garrus sputtered.

“T-that one Krogan said that they were thieves!” Shepard retorted.

“That one wasn’t doing anything but sitting there, you monster!”

“Oh god, what have I done?!”

* * *

“Killing the thresher maw has produced several breeding requests for Grunt and one for Shepard,” Edi told the group.

“Ha!” Grunt laughed.

“Wait wait wait wait,” Shepard said, “Who sent the one?”

“Ah, come on Shepard,” Garrus chuckled, “Isn’t it enough to know that some Krogan wants to bang you? Do you really need to know their name?”

“The request was sent in by chief Urdnot Wrex,” Edi said stoically.

“HA!” Grunt choked.

“Shepard…” Garrus warned, knowing that look in Shepard’s eyes, “It’s a joke, it’s got to be a joke.”

“SEEYA,” Shepard yelled, running off, presumably to look for Wrex.

* * *

“Very impressive immune system, has to be part of the cyborginzation, likely regurgitation at this point, also more extensive hives, very mild respiratory reaction as well, will medicate when we return to ship,” Mordin rattled off as Shepard scratched and scratched.

“You know, Shepard,” Garrus started, “You went through the extensive process of getting everyone safe medication to take, safe rations to eat, made sure that the ship’s atmosphere embittered was compatible with everyone’s immune system, set up a special emitter just for Thane and his condition. Not only that, but you spent your own credits on getting alcohol that everyone could drink. You even got ryncol for Grunt. You didn’t think for a second that something would happen?”

Shepard muttered something unflattering.

“Think about that the next time you got a quad bouncing off your human behind,” Garrus said firmly before breaking down into hysterical laughter.

* * *

“So,” Joker said, already breaking down into laughter, “To start, Shepard got attacked by a Varren, punched an innocent pyjak, fought a Thresher Maw and got a joke mating request from Wrex, took it seriously and got quad deep into Krogan ‘territory’ and barely managed to avoid anaphylactic shock because of how Cerberus put Shepard back together?”

Garrus and Joker took a moment to laugh at Shepard’s expense.

“Like I said, Tuchunka was a _experience_ ,” Garrus laughed.

“I think I broke something,” Joke wheezed.


	4. M!Ryder/Jaal-(refereed smut, trans characters)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: M!Ryder/Jaal Ama Darva, refereed too smut, transgender characters, very light and implied blossoming F!Ryder/Vetra
> 
> It's the Andromeda Public Chatroom! What could possibly go wrong?

[Andromeda Team Speak and Bulletin Board: Have fun but don’t change the title and watch your language!]

ALECRYDER: Testing

SARAHRYDER: Check check =D

DAMIENRYDER: Check.

NAKMORDRACK: ugh, the text is so tiny

VETRANYX: All clear

JAALAMADARAV: I am here

CORAHARPER: Hi everyone!

LIAMKOSTA: Specialist on point!

PELESSARIAB’SAYLE: Oh please tell me we can change usernames

ALECRYDER: After sound off

KALLOJATH: I am here and I am gone, someone needs to fly the ship

[KALLOJATH HAS LEFT]

LEXIT’PERRO: Present just combing over medical reports right now

SUVIANWAR: Here, but also flying the ship and going over science reports so I can’t chat much :3

SAM: I am always present

ALECRYDER: Alright, everything seems to be working out fine. This is just a simple chat room and bulletin board to use for recreational purposes ONLY. Keep confidential stuff out because this is not a secure channel and thus can be and will likely be monitored by _someone_. Be adults and don’t go nuts.

[ALECRYDER has allowed the following: username changes without moderator permission]  
[ALECRYDER has made SAM moderator]

SARAHRYDER: Sweet! Thanks dad!

[SARAHRYDER has changed their username to SARAH]

[DAMIENRYDER has changed their username to RYDER]

[NAKMORDRACK has changed their username to DRACK]

[VETRANYX has changed their username to VETRA]

[JAALAMADARAV has changed their username to JAAL]

[CORAHARPER has changed their username to CORA]

[LIAMKOSTA has changed their username to LIAM]

[LEXIT’PERRO has changed their username to DR.LEXI]

[PELESSARIAB’SAYLE has changed their username to PEEBEE]

PEEBEE: Oh yay!

SARAH: What, no D.Ryder little bro? =P

RYDER: Very funny but I saw that coming a mile away

DR.LEXI: Speaking of dick riding

SARAH: ASDFGHJKL

RYDER: whu

VETRA: D-doc??

DRACK: HA

DR.LEXI: I would like to remind everyone that when we stop at the next depot for refueling and maintenance that I will be hosting a seminar on safe sex for interspecies relationships. This will include medications for fluid exchange, protective sex, positions for comfort and if it’s at all feasible. If you wish to attend, please tell me, I’m preparing examples and snacks.

SARAH: Snacks and sex XDDD

RYDER: Oh my god.

VETRA: What do you mean ‘if it’s at all feasible?’

DR.LEXI: Due to size difference and gentile arrangement, some spieces cannot copulate without difficulty of a lot of sexual creativity. An example being, that some Salarians and Krogans usually find it near impossible to copulate because of the sheer size difference between them, though I have heard of some rather creative solutions for that particular problem.

SARAH: Imao I think I’m legit crying

DRACK: don’t think ive ever banged a salarian before…

DR.LEXI: For the best, I’d rather not set a broken pelvis… again

SARAH: IM LEGIT CRYING OMG XDDD

* * *

DR.LEXI: The seminar is beginning

SARAH: Wow, more than half the ship showed up >o>

VETRA: Does that make us all dirty alien fuckers?

DR.LEXI: Yes. @Sam, can you do an audio to text translator so people that couldn’t attend can go back and read everything?

SAM: Of course, would you like me to archive it in your personal notes when it is done?

DR.LEXI: Yes please, thank you Sam

DR.LEXI: Welcome everyone to the seminar on safe interspecies sex. Many of you are here to learn about how to safely bang your alien partner, or just to learn how some interspecies sex works, or perhaps to be childish. The first two are welcome and I am glad you are taking this learning experience seriously. The third would be biotically thrown out.

DR.LEXI: Now, who would like to start us out?

* * *

SARAH: I didn’t think it was so weird that us humans have external penises D=

DRACK: HOW DO YOU PROTECT THE GOODS THEN??

* * *

DR.LEXI: Due to the protein difference in most species, ingestion or absorption of fluids from an alien race can cause mild to severe allergic reactions. Always, ALWAYS, take antihistamines 15-30 minutes prior to sex of any kind if you are not using condoms, dental dams or other protective means. If you are using protection, just to be safe take a dose afterwards.

VETRA: I’d rather not literally die from sex

SARAH: Sex so good your soul lives your body

RYDER: SARAH NO.

SARAH: When did you get here?? Little brothers shouldn’t learn about this stuff until their old enough D<

RYDER: I’ve BEEN here, I’m overseeing repairs so I’m listening in on chat

RYDER: Also I’m an hour older then you, soldier girl

SARAH: Hush =P

* * *

DR.LEXI: Flavored protective wear goes in the mouth only. If it goes into any other orifice there will be terrible consequences

SARAH: Tooty-fruity in the mouth, not the booty

RYDER: SARAH NO.

* * *

DR.LEXI: That concludes the seminar for now. Due to turn out, I will plan another the next time we make port for a desirable length of time.

SARAH: That was…

VETRA: Scathingly enlightening?

DRACK: i feel like I know everyone’s dirty secret

CORA: I hadn’t realized… that Salarians…

KALLOJATH: The more you know

LIAM: And the Krogan?

DRACK: Heh heh heh

SARAH: And Turians?? Seriously???

VETRA: It’s not like I can help my biology!

VETRA: And humans with their unprotected junk?? How the hell did you guys think that was a good idea?!

SARAH: I can’t help my biology!

CORA: I don’t think I’ll be able to look any of our alien crew members in the eye for a few weeks or months or forever

LIAM: Same >__>

VETRA: Seriously, do we need to get all you humans cups? Thick underwear?

* * *

[>PM from RYDER to JAAL: So you were asking about humans?]

[>PM from JAAL to RYDER: Yes]

[>PM from RYDER to JAAL: Dr. Lexi told me to answer your questions since you didn’t seem like you were getting the answers you wanted.]

[>PM from JAAL to RYDER: Very well.]

[>PM from JAAL to RYDER: I had hoped do this in a better setting.]

[>PM from JAAL to RYDER: I wish to court you, Damien Ryder.]

[>PM from RYDER to JAAL: whu/]

[>PM from JAAL to RYDER: I find you fascinating and certainly attractive. You’re a good man and I wish to fully court you.]

[>PM from JAAL to RYDER: However I have very little knowledge of humans, so I have been building what knowledge I can about your kind.]

[>PM from RYDER to JAAL: i-I don’t know what to say]

[>PM from JAAL to RYDER: If you wish to continue or are comfortable with it would be preferable]

[>PM from RYDER to JAAL: yes!]

[>PM from RYDER to JAAL: I mean]

[>PM from RYDER to JAAL: Want to come up to the cabin? There’s something you should know about my biology and we can talk.]

[>PM from JAAL to RYDER: I would like that.]

* * *

ALECRYDER: Hey sweetheart

SARAH: Hi dad! How’d the transmission with home base go?

ALECRYDER: We’re a bit behind schedule but we’re doing well, all things considered.

ALECRYDER: Have you seen your brother?

SARAH: Not since yesterday when he left to oversee the ship repairs on port, he might be sleeping in

ALECRYDER: That brother of yours, I swear. He’ll work himself into an early grave at the rate he’s going.

SARAH: It’s what keeps him sane though =P

ALECRYDER: Sadly, we’ll let him sleep in, boy could use a break

* * *

[>PM from SARAH to RYDER: Hey bro, Jaal still with you?]

[>PM from RYDER to SARAH: Why?]

[>PM from SARAH to RYDER: Dad was asking about you =P]

[>PM from RYDER to SARAH: Oh my god, what did you tell him?!]

[>PM from SARAH to RYDER: Hasn’t seen you since you left to oversee ship repairs, which is technically true. What’s wrong? You’re just chatting with Jaal, right?]

[>PM from RYDER to SARAH: There might have been more then talking…]

[>PM from SARAH to RYDER: :O]

[>PM from SARAH to RYDER: WERE YOU ALIEN D RYDING LAST NIGHT?!]

[>PM from RYDER to SARAH: SARAH!]

[>PM from SARAH to RYDER: TAKING THE PUSSY TO POUND TOWN]

[>PM from RYDER to SARAH: Hey, I don’t talk about your dick!]

[>PM from SARAH to RYDER: =P]

[>PM from SARAH to RYDER: Is it why you can’t walk bro?~ Did Jaal sex the use out of your legs?]

[>PM from RYDER to SARAH: SARAH. SAM CAN READ THESE!]

[>PM from SARAH to RYDER: … well shit.]

* * *

ALECRYDER: Jaal Ama Darva

ALECRYDER: Report to my office.

* * *

SARAH: Poor bro, his ryding days are done

RYDER: I hate you

SARAH: Young romance over before it could begin

RYDER: Please shut up

SARAH: One night of passion and it’s over, how sad

RYDER: SHUT UP

SARAH: WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL

CORA: Hey Liam, you owe me fifty credits

LIAM: gdi you two

RYDER: You were taking bets?!

CORA: Could see the pining a mile away~

CORA: Liam was thinking that you’d be banging Vetra at this point

VETRA: Having a five foot boyfriend would be cute, but usually I prefer them tall enough I don’t have to bend in half to nuzzle

SARAH: Savagery

VETRA: It’s why I like Sarah more

SARAH: O////O

CORA: How do you even reach him, Dame? He’s like two feet taller then you

RYDER: Oh my god, shut up

ALECRYDER: I realize that my children are adults, but can you please take this out of the main channel where I can read it?

SARAH: =P Do we still have an Angara on team, dad?

ALECRYDER: Yes, why would you think otherwise?

VETRA: Does this mean that dating a Ryder isn’t a death sentence?

ALECRYDER: No

ALECRYDER: Just a 1000 point inspection and me as a gatekeeper

VETRA: oh shit

* * *

[>PM from JAAL to RYDER: Are you well?]

[>PM from RYDER to JAAL: Me? What about you?]

[>PM from JAAL to RYDER: I am fine. You’re father just had a lot of questions and half hearted threats if I hurt you. I am worried about you though, I was not aware that human’s could get ‘jelly legs’ from copulation.]

[>PM from RYDER to JAAL: I’m fine, really, just… it was a good thing, trust me. Humans are weak to pleasure.]

[>PM from JAAL to RYDER: As are some of the other races, I think. May I speak with you tonight?]

[>PM from RYDER to JAAL: I would like that. But, JUST talking. I need to walk sometime soon.]

[>PM from JAAL to RYDER: Of course.]


	5. M!Ryder/Jaal Ama Darav-(mild Andromeda spoilers)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: M!Ryder/Jaal Ama Darav, anxiety/depression, m/m fluff
> 
> There's a lot on his shoulders, sometimes he needs to be reminded to head to bed
> 
> Here's to our precious bi alien boy Jaal!

“Damien,”

He started awake, immediately straightening out and blinking rapidly to clear the sleep from his eyes. When he managed to clear his vision, he looked to see Jaal leaned over him. One of those big hands of his was sitting comfortably on his shoulder and the other bracing the Angara’s massive frame as he leaned over him. His usual singular lens scanner was shut off, so two soft silvery-blue eyes were looking at him.

“Huh? S-sorry, just feel asleep trying to keep upon reports and with everything that has happened recently…” He sleepily mumbled, looking around for his data-pad. Thankfully his partially filled cup of the shit condensed coffee had not been tipped over and the holo-screen pen had not rolled off into the void where his three others had gone.

“You’re working yourself ragged to keep your sanity,” Jaal said simply.

“I know, ass backwards,” He groaned. He rolled his eyes when Jaal pulled his data-pad and pen out of his hands. He officially glared at the big alien when a big hand came down on his coffee cup and kept him from picking it up.

“Rest,” Jaal said firmly.

“Just one more,” He deadpanned, already knowing that he was not going to win this argument.

Jaal pulled his hands away and then bodily lifted him up. Jaal carried him in on arm, probably thanks to both a small size and puny weight, and turned around to carry him over to bed. The first buttons of his uniform got popped by Jaal’s free hand so that when he got sat down, his upper part of his uniform got pulled off. He bent over to unlace his own boots and pull them off and his socks.

He looked up and realized that Jaal was dressed down to that black catsuit of his.

“Joining me?” He asked.

“To keep you there,” Jaal said, “I know you, Damien.”

“Won’t even let me sneak out of bed to keep working,” He smirked with a roll of his eyes.

He yanked his pants off and wrapped his arms around Jaal when the big alien climbed into bed with him before nuzzling into the broad expanse of his chest. Jaal’s big three fingers handed messaged across his back. But the moment he brain tried to relax the anxiety and the stress of the whole situation came crashing down on him.

“I can’t keep doing this,” He sniffled, burying his face against Jaal’s chest.

“You are strong, Damien Ryder,” Jaal said, “You have your Pathfinder team at your side, you have me. No one says it has to be perfect, just that you try.”

He squeezed Jaal tight. He would need the comfort that Jaal brought him for the coming days. It was only going to get harder but… for his sister and his dad he would try. For the colonists relying on him to find them a new home, for all those that were depending on him to help them out.

Not perfect… but he was going to try.


	6. Multi-Pairings-(fluff, trans characters, mild Andromeda spoilers)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: M!Ryder/Jaal Ama Darav and F!Ryder/Vetra Nyx, fluff, chatlogs, transgender characters, transgender Ryder twins, very mild Andromeda spoilers
> 
> More Andromeda Public chat nonsense!

[Andromeda Team Speak and Bulletin Board: Check up Week! Make sure you check in with Dr. Lexi AND Dr. Jill within the next T Minus 4 days]

LIAM: Anyone get done with Jill? I want to know what I’m in for :<

RYDER: She just wants some genetic material. She is just asking for eggs and sperm for those people not looking to get pregnant soon so we can diversify the DNA from the 20,000 colonists still in the freezer when they start to repopulate.

LIAM: Aw, so you already jacked it for her? =P

RYDER: No.

LIAM: >__>;; But

RYDER: Forbidden territory Liam

LIAM: Uh, sorry, anyway, was she nice? Creepy? TMI?

RYDER: She’s nice, very good at her job so it’s kind of clinical. And don’t worry she’s got holo-porn.

LIAM: Good holo-porn?

RYDER: I wouldn’t know, I didn’t see it.

LIAM: Wait then… nvm forbidden territory

SARAH: She’s got a HUGE variety and a bunch of AAA porn studios on file =O

LIAM: …Is that forbidden territory?

SARAH: Not unless you want to find out *WINK*WINK*WINK*WINK*

LIAM: I think I’m good Sarah, no offense >_>;;

SARAH: YOU CAN’T HIDE WHAT’S INSIDE LIAM

LIAM: ANYWAY, so humans need to check in with both docs this week?

RYDER: Yes, especially the ground team since we get exposed to foreign planets and atmospheres. I recommend going to Dr. Lexi first and then Dr. Jill. Dr. Jill has been cracking down on those giving her potentially ‘contaminated’ DNA samples.

LIAM: Right, @Dr.Lexi do you got a spot open anytime soon?

DR.LEXI: If you come in after Drack I can squeeze you in between appointments. Also Sarah, I’d like to squeeze you in after Liam if you can come by, I want to make sure that the coma didn’t affect your brain at all.

SARAH: Okaie-dokie doc :3

LIAM: Why don’t the aliens need to check in with Dr. Jill? *grumps*

RYDER: Because none of them are exactly ‘breeding’ anytime soon and even if they are, Dr. Lexi would be the one to go to since she has broader medical knowledge. Not to mention almost all the aliens are related to the others on board and just … no.

SARAH: NO INCEST ON MUH SHIP

RYDER: NONE. IT’S AN OFFENSE OF DROPPING YOUR ASS ON A HEAT PLANET.

SARAH: Also, have fun jacking it for Dr. Jill, Liam~

LIAM: uuuggghhhhhh

* * *

[PM from SARAH to RYDER: Soooooooo….]

[PM from SARAH to RYDER: Would you care if I said if I was dating Vetra?]

[PM from RYDER to SARAH: I would say ‘what took so damned long?’]

[PM from SARAH to RYDER: omg I love you bro <3]

[PM from SARAH to RYDER: Not as exciting as dating a Angara but I like her sooo much bro =P]

[PM from RYDER to SARAH: And that’s all that matters.]

[PM from SARAH to RYDER: Also, not to be super creepy, but how bad is the allergic reaction from ‘swapping fluids’? I just want to brace myself if it comes to that]

[PM from RYDER to SARAH: Wouldn’t know, we use condoms.]

[PM from SARAH to RYDER: How super responsible of you bro =P]

[PM from RYDER to SARAH: Just ask Dr. Lexi, she’s honestly so used to people asking for stuff for interspecies safe sex she’s immune. Just remember, either way, don’t swallow anything and you should avoid the worst of it.]

[PM from SARAH to RYDER: lmao you’re the best bro]

* * *

RYDER: Reminder to visit Dr. Lexi AND Dr. Jill if you’re human. Everyone else just has to visit Dr. Lexi.

CORA: I don’t know how I feel about donating my genetic material

RYDER: It’s just for genetic variation for the colonists, Dr. Jill says you don’t absolutely need to but she wants a form filled out for the reasons why.

LIAM: Wait, there’s a form?

[RYDER has shared a image: DR.JILL-MED-CLINIC.JPG]

RYDER: Send to Jill when done.

CORA: Thanks Dame!

RYDER: Cora… please…. Stop calling me Dame.

SARAH: Cora please stop calling my little bro Dame

CORA: I felt a sudden tremor of terror run up my spine wtf

SARAH: <3

CORA: *sweats audibly*

* * *

RYDER: This is a reminder that if you have not spoken to Dr.Lexi/Dr. Jill that I have given them permission to bother you at your station. I have armed them with loud speakers.

RYDER: You have been warned.

* * *

[PM from JAAL to RYDER: My darling one]

[PM from JAAL to RYDER: Are you… blushing?]

[PM from RYDER to JAAL: NO!]

[PM from JAAL to RYDER: You are! It is adorable!]

[PM from RYDER to JAAL: YOU’RE SITTING ACROSS THE ROOM STOP.]

* * *

[PM from VETRA to SARAH: I have a human question]

[PM from SARAH to VETRA: Yes my sweetie?<3<3]

[PM from VETRA to SARAH: Why do humans’ faces turn red?]

[PM from SARAH to VETRA: Humans’ faces turn red when their heart is beating really fast and thus a lot of blood is pumping and flowing and thin skin such as around the face starts to flush with the excess blood]

[PM from VETRA to SARAH: Ah, okay]

[PM from SARAH to VETRA: Why do you ask sweetness?]

[PM from VETRA to SARAH: Look at your brother]

[PM from SARAH to VETRA: OH MY GOSH LITTLE BRO IS BLUSHING!!!]

* * *

CORA: Blushing five foot scruffy Ryder confirmed for cutest

RYDER: stOOPPPP!

* * *

SARAH: Oh gosh, little bro and Jaal fell asleep in the shuttle bay!

[SARAH has shared an image: CUTENESSOVERLOAD.JPG]

CORA: You know, he’s cute when he’s trying not to be intimidating

LIAM: Nice to see him relax, he’s working himself to death

SARAH: Yeah, I should probably prod him to fall asleep in his own bed, he works really hard

CORA: He puts everyone to shame with his hours -u-;;

LIAM: We should probably pick up some of the stuff off his plate so he stops trying to kill himself with work

SAM: I will be happy to help dole Ryder’s self assigned duties

[SAM has shared a file DAMIEN-RYDER-ASSIGNMENT-LIST.doc]

CORA: …

LIAM: …

VETRA: …

DRACK: …

SARAH: This is not physically possible for one person…

CORA: Okay, so yeah, taking this stuff off his plate

LIAM: Holy shit dude

VETRA: Humans confirmed for insane busybodies

* * *

RYDER: Oh my god what time is it?

SARAH: 7am

RYDER: I should have been awake two hours ago, why didn’t my omni-tool wake me up?

SARAH: Because we asked Sam to hack into it and disable your alarm

RYDER: ???

RYDER: WTF I have so much shit to do!

SARAH: No you don’t~ We doled out your self-imposed chores~

[SARAH has shared NEW-WORK-SCHEDULE-AND-WORK-ASSIGNMENT.doc]

RYDER: …

RYDER: …

RYDER: …is this what relaxing feels like? I don’t like it.

SARAH: Hang out with Jaal or read a book, you get nights off now

RYDER: I don’t know how to relax, Sarah, whyyyyy?!

SARAH: You’ll thank me when you get some sleep~

RYDER: SARAH NO!


	7. No Pairings-(minor language)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: minor language, language barrier humor
> 
> A chatlog fic where the comms are broken

[Andromeda Team Speak and Bulletin Board: Translators broken, please communicate through here if you have having difficulties]

SARAH: Sam?

SAM: There was a small malfunction, a running error that has temporarily disabled translators. I am currently working on a solution with Damien.

RYDER: Trust us, we’re working on it.

CORA: Oh my god I just thought I was losing my mind

VETRA: Same

DRACK: hadn’t really noticed

PEEBEE: Course not, need a hearing aid?

DRACK: not THAT old

LIAM: What the hell

LIAM: What the hell are the twins saying??!

SAM: Sarah and Damien Ryder originally speak an earthen language known as Italian, due to the training they both received and Damien’s medical condition, they are not fluent in English

SARAH: >u>;;

CORA: What?

SARAH: We know a bit of English, just you know… not fluent…

RYDER: I make no apology.

LIAM: Oh my god

KALLOJATH: Sam, I need to fly the ship but I can’t do that if no one on bridge knows what the other is saying.

SAM: I will not separate different chat rooms to allow different floors to operate, for the moment please stay within your designated channel and give Damien and myself time to work out this issue.

* * *

CORA: So, because of the translator we can’t even hear your guys’ accents?

SARAH: Nope! Maybe when we’re fluent~

CORA: Shame, accents are sexy

LIAM: Are they now?

CORA: Not yours you tool

LIAM: OnO

SARAH: lol

RYDER: Not like you’ll hear it anytime soon. Both Sarah and myself are too busy to keep up with English lessons. After we get this planet settled and after everything settles down after THAT maybe we can start them again, but with the translators there’s really no reason to rush.

SARAH: *GASP* BRO

SARAH: With translators offline, you know what this means?

RYDER: … what?

RYDER: …. Sarah no.

SARAH: SARAH YES!

RYDER: SARAH NO.

* * *

LIAM: Damien… can you translate something your sister said to me?

RYDER: …

RYDER: …okay what?

LIAM: Uhh… it’s a dozy…

SAM: Sarah recorded saying “Ficcati una barca in culo con I remi aperti”

RYDER: …

LIAM: Ryder?

JAAL: He’s currently laughing too hard to respond

LIAM: WTF DID SHE SAY?!?!

SAM: “Stick a boat in your ass and with oars out.”

LIAM: …

LIAM: OnO

JAAL: Ryder is still laughing, I do not understand the insult

* * *

CORA: Ryder?

RYDER: … what did she say?

CORA: Vaff something?

RYDER: Vaffanculo?

RYDER: …

RYDER: Sam

SAM: The translation is something akin to “Go fuck yourself”

CORA: SARAH D=

* * *

SARAH: Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry XD

CORA: You’re so goddamn mean, Sarah!!!

LIAM: My feelings are hurt, all three of them

RYDER: Just in time, I fixed the comm devices.

KALLOJATH: Can confirm the translators are working, my thanks Ryder and Sam

RYDER: And I added a little something that should prevent this from happening again… or someone tampering with it.

RYDER: SARAH

SARAH: :3c

CORA: Sarah Ryder confirmed for menace

LIAM: Good thing Damien’s the one that does all the talking, else we’d be screwed out of a home a long time ago

SARAH: I MAKE NO APOLOGIES

RYDER: And that’s why we love you, Sarah.


End file.
